Everything was going great. We laughed and joked, but then I saw him. I saw his face, his smile and I choked on air. My heart hit up agains my chest. My breath caught in my throat as if somebody had their hand gripped tightly around my neck. But you do. You have that hold on me. I don't know you. You don't know me. But somehow I can't seem to let you go. I'd like to get to know you someday and hear your side of the story. I want to know WHY. What happened hurt me and it still grips me to my core. My insides are twisted into confusing knots. Tears are stinging behind my eyes. I sit here with my heart beating faster and faster each second as if it is about to leap right out of my body. My fingers are flying across the screen as a mixture of emotions floods in and overwhelms my brain to the point of explosion and yet! I don't know why. My hands are shaking. My head is pounding. My lip is quivering. I can't take it. It's too much. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. Maybe if you were here I would be strong. What would things be like? Would I be happier? As my last shred of what seemed like happiness 5 minutes ago flutters slowly to the floor, my sweaty hands stop shaking. My heart beat steadies and I decide to sit here and just say: happy birthday Freddy. Or dad? Or whatever your name is.
Love, a heartbroken child with a deprived childhood
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