Cameo Appearance

So... I'm lying here in bed. My mind is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The silence is so loud that I can barely hear myself think. I swear I can hear the blood rushing through my veins. Where do I start? Other than the fact that things are finally starting to fall into place... I'm starting to wonder where that place is. Here? There? Nowhere? With him? With Him? Each time I close my eyes I see things. Flashes. Rushes of light and visions and dreams. I'm not ready to see them. I'm not ready to face me. The soft snores and my heartbeat are my lullaby. One blink... Two blinks.... Three blinks.
I'm walking down the sidewalk and I'm holding his hand. I look up and smile at him he sticks his tongue out at me and I laugh. His green eyes twinkle when they meet mine. It takes everything in me not to cry... How did I get so lucky? I push him gently to end our moment, he laughs and points towards our favorite Ice cream shop. I squeal in delight. "Race ya!?" He yells as he takes off. Cheater. I take off after him and gasp for air when I reach the door. He's laughing as he orders our usual. I go and grab a sunny table by the window and watch people as they pass by..thinking. Finally a cup of ice cream lands in front of me. His long tanned arm brushes against my shoulder and I look at him as he pushes his ice cream around nervously. "What's wrong?" I ask. "Nothing I just... Well.. I don't know how to say this but I just want to be friends"  He mutters.  I look up to see if he is lying or joking, but he's not. I nod, silently stand up, and leave. Leaving my ice cream to melt along with the love that I thought we shared. I can't let him see me cry. I walk past the window and I see him with his head in his hands. Damn... Why do these things always happen to me? I decide to take the long way home to clear me head. When I reach the apartment building I see a figure leaned against the door. Broken. I know it's him.. But why? He broke up with me. I try to walk past without making eye contact, but he grabs my arm. "You think I wanted this? I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to wake up every morning and see you! I want to bring you chicken noodle soup when you're sick and see the crinkle in between your eyebrows when you're mad. I just want you! But.. I'm scared." he cries.
"Scared of what? I won't hurt you. I want those things too, but they can't happen if we don't try!" I yell at him. He pulls me into an embrace. I pull back to look him in the eyes, just as our lips are about to collide I open my eyes to find myself in my bed... In my room. Just a dream. Psh. How could I have possibly believed that I'd found love? Must've been someone else's life and I was just tuning in... Like I always do. I'm a cameo appearance in everyone else's lives. Great.