So, it's been a while since i've posted, but i've been living in my head. Today was Sweet Tea Wednesday, and Carissa and I spent it at her grandmother's. The day started off kind of crappy, I had a migraine and cramps. I knew the second that I walked into school that I couldn't be there. The bright lights, the people, the scent, just the though of knowing that I had to plaster a smile on my face and repeat the words "I'm okay" all day gave me the chills. Luckily, Carissa was by my side and we walked over to the college together. I wasn't expecting to tell her most of the things that I did, but it felt nice knowing that she was there. It's hard for me to express myself because i've never been allowed to. Talking to her today was nice, but it brought back a lot of emotions and memories that I know I buried for a reason. Sometimes I get scared that they will kill me one day. I finally decided to muster up the courage to call a counselor, so we shall see how that goes. I am hoping that I can get over these demons, and that I don't lose anyone in the process. Some things are just better left unsaid, hopefully things don't change between us because honestly? we've barely even scraped the surface.
When we reached Grandma Donna's, we went upstairs and watched Youtube videos and looked through old photo albums. It makes me happy to have those memories shared with me and to feel so welcome. When we got downstairs we ate and watched TV. The whole morning and afternoon was just relaxing and nothing felt forced. I didn't have to be someone that I'm not. When we left, we got our sweet tea and I came home. It's good to know that days like these exist.
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