Friday, June 6, 2014

"Now Everbody's Dead"

I closed my eyes and I let the bass take over. I'd never heard this song before, but somehow it had this unbreakable hold on me. It was like a magnet. I had my hands held over my head and my eyes closed. I was vulnerable, and I was giving my whole self to them. Carissa and Chelsea were standing nearby, as were Max, Jenna,and Mark, but they weren't there. They were all in their heads. Living. Breathing. Absorbing each pounding and passionate note. When it ended and the screams began, I opened my eyes and cheered. My trance was over.

The next time it happened, I was sharing earphones with Carissa. Her legs were draped lazily over mine as we traveled home from heaven. We both took in sharp breaths to prepare ourselves. As the set list began, we each relived our experience. My heart thundered and struggled. My throat was constricting to hold back tears. Not here. Not now. I pleaded with myself. Then the song came on, and we looked at each other. At that very moment, it was settled. This song had some type of magic linked to it.

A week later, I was walking from college. It was any normal day, and I had my earphones in. I was still having post-concert depression. My earphones were plunged in my eardrums, my phone on shuffle. I walked, not really aware of my surroundings or the familiar song playing. I saw Carissa, and waved. We were alike in the sense that we didn't feel the need to over-exaggerate our greetings to one another. I was a few paces away from her when the song started. First it was the faint beat that I recognized. It brought quick and sudden flashes with it: Carissa beaming from ear to ear, dancing stupidly with Max, Mark's unforgettable scowl, running through the streets, the bone-chilling cold, the euphoria, the freedom, the kiss, the hug, the flash, the pier, the bridge, life, Freedom. I clenched my chest, feeling my heart beat feverishly. I knew my eyes were bugging and my breath was becoming ragged. A disgusting sob tore through me, and I knew the tears started flowing. I was on my knees at this point, under the song's spell. The memories were too quick, to strong, and too distinct. I knew I looked like a fool, I tried to pull myself together. I got up wordlessly, and walked. Numb. One foot in front of the other. I got to the school and splashed water on my face in the bathroom. I could get through this. Don't let them see you. So weak. So broken. 

I'm sure there were many other instances, but another one I remember was the train ride. Carissa and I were on the metro. The car swayed peacefully, and she and I were reliving our relaxing day at the beach. My earphones were in, and I was listening to a random playlist. Then, without warning, it played. The tears pricked my eyes just as quickly as the song started. She must have caught a glimpse of my face because she asked if I was okay, Her voice sounded miles away. I didn't know how to answer, so I just nodded. "Are you crying?" She asked.

We were standing outside, it was crowded and hot as hell. The irritation was already very prominent in both of our guts. That's when I heard it. The electric guitar. I cocked my head toward the stage in disbelief. "No. They can't do this!" I almost screamed to Carissa. I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I had to leave. I HATED him for that. Pure shock, anger, disbelief and more than anything, pain shot through me. That was a sacred song, and now it was being played like some hot record. I didn't know what to do. I just walked away, fighting the tears and ignoring the stares.

And after a week has passed, after doing so well... It happened again. Tonight, I can hear the intro to the empty arena version of the song...my song. And I'm sure you know what'll happen next...

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