New Beginnings

I'm tired of being pitiful. I am tired of moping. Now is the time for me to make a decision. I have a family that loves me and a best friend that cares about me. Even though I know things won't change, I can change the way I react to them. For 11 years I have been stuck. I have been stuck with someone who knew they had a hold on me, and they knew how to manipulate me, and to make me fear them. Today this has to stop. Today I have made the decision to change the way that I look at life. I am tired of being unhappy, and I am tired of having a negative outlook on life. Although I am 16 years old, I have come to terms with the fact that in 2 years I will be able to make my own decisions. Today my horoscope read: "It's time to catch up with someone close-- though that may be easier said than done. Try not to worry too much about the outcome of the conversation. Just start talking and the good stuff will come." I believe a horoscope is there to guide you and you are supposed to interpret it and apply it to your daily living. This horoscope was especially important because a few days ago I reconnected with someone I thought I had lost forever. My best friend believes that I am in love with him, but I am not so sure that I believe in love just yet. I also don't know if I can be in love with someone that I know I can't be with, but then again that is a negative thought. Maybe I do love him, maybe the butterflies that I get in my stomach are from seeing his face, but even so, will I ever be able to be in his arms? Will he ever be able to wipe my tears away? One day I hope to be able to show him these posts so he can know the way that I truly feel about him, but until that day I will keep it tucked away into a corner of my heart. He may not feel the same, actually I am positive he doesn't feel the same, but it is okay because life goes on. And as my life progresses and I develop into the best me that I can be, I will always remember that the only way to know what the fruit tastes like is to take a bite!
Love,
the first steps to a greater me