Numb

Right now I am numb. I'm neither hot nor cold. I'm neither up nor down. I'm not happy or sad. I'm emotionless. Motionless stuck in this realm. I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. I don't know whether I want to live or die. I'm just here. I am awake but I'm tired. I want to be happy. I do. It is right there. The happiness that I speak of Is the hope I am reaching for. It is right there. Just an in ch away from my grasp. It's not that I'm unhappy. And it's not that I am ungrateful. I just want to be able to let go. I want to live. I want to be ALLOWED to live. I want to let my hair down. I want to go on adventures. Being alone and confined leaves room for the mind to wander.  It leaves room for the mind to create unrealistic scenarios for you to worry about. Right now, my mind is blank. My earphones are in. And my music is playing. Sometimes music takes me to my happy place. But right now. I don't need my happy place. What I need is to feel.